Not a Dry Eye in the Crowd.

Johnny boy called today and gave me the reviews on the funeral. "Dude you should be a funeral crasher! You made everybody cry! There wasn't a dry eye in the house." That's my boy. At least I have one fan - and a goodie.

As the memories begin to fade after them being at their height for the past month or so I wish Ernie and his family peace. Loss is an interesting beast. How do we purge ourselves of all the memories and the desire to be close with somebody that is no longer there? I think all the memories serve as the mind's way of keeping the recently departed alive and with us. Unfortunately there isn't a time frame for this. It is natural to go through this process for years. I find myself having the urge to call my grandmother from time to time and she has been dead for almost ten years!

My advise: Instead of fighting the process - embrace it. Write letters to the departed. Opposite hand writing is an incredible tool as well. Simply write out a greating to the departed person with your dominate hand and with the opposite hand allow the departed to respond. Please don't judge the process. Just allow whatever is present to be communicated. This is not a logical tool, it is an emotional one teetering on the spiritual. You will be amazed in what transpires. After the communication rip it up. The exercise is for releasing and keeping these interactions will only keep you stuck in your current state. Or do you want to remain depressed, mourning, and possibly sick. Some do like feeling badly to see if others care about them. Sad but true. If this describes you, contact me and we will set up some counseling sessions if you want to work through this dynamic.

Life is short and the afterlife... Well that is another blog.

Enjoy!

Ernie's Memorial

Sorry that it has been a while since I have written. My focus has been on another project that is so close to happening I can taste it. I can't wait to start blogging about it when the project is accepted.

Last Sunday we had a memorial for Ernie Sr. - the oldest teenager I had ever met. Ernie is glorified in the Burn Ward as the man who was into cars, owned a few toy stores and hired me to play Santa Claus for him on the weekends. You couldn't help but love the man. He came into my life at a time I needed an adult to befriend the most. Little did I know how silly, fun loving, and "normal" he was. I loved him from the get go. When I learned he died I was rocked.

I am a firm believer that people are brought into your life for a reason. I knew from the start that he was in my life to show me people were just people, regardless of their age.

When his son (Little Ernie) asked me to play a song for him at the funeral, I sat down and composed a little song in a country western type beat. It felt corny and I knew that I needed to play something he would love - like the jam from Pink Floyd he used to play at volume 11! I visualized myself sitting in front of the crowd with guitar in hand and asking the congregation what song they wanted to hear. Suddenly "Free Bird" shouted in my head. How perfect was that!!! We must have listend to that song together a zillion times! So that's what I played. In fact people were even crying to it. Yes Ernie was a free bird, not with his family, but in regards to societal rules.

The story doesn't end here however. Last night I had an interesting dream about Ernie. I was outside some building, on top of a concrete type stairway with a path that led to a hilly countryside and off to the side of the building Big Ernie came bounding right to me. I hugged him with all my might. I couldn't believe he was there. He told me he didn't have time to stay, turned, walked down the stairs and walked off with determination towards the countryside.

I always wondered what it was like in the death process. I have always focused on the leaving my body part, but never really focused on what was next. I always assumed there was a white light to go into, but what if it was like the dream. I felt that with so many people having such intense love for the man, he was one by one visiting everybody and saying his last goodbyes. I was just honored that I was also included, in not seeing him for a long time. (Ernie had moved to Indiana and had been living there for years). What if we visited those who loved us before we ultimately left? An interesting concept.

I have heard stories of people seeing visions, while they were awake of recently departed family and loved ones. Children often comment of interacting with Grandma or Grandpa after they had departed. One thing for sure, I don't know, and we as a society sure as hell don't talk about this subject one bit. Maybe we don't want to know. What's the point? The body is gone, the person is not in the same format, and we would look like we've lost our minds interacting with the departed.

I used to watch the John Edwards show, like religion. He had a popular show at the time about communicating with the dead. Oh my, how people flocked to a live viewing and either these were great actors or it was the real thing. I tend to be gullible anyway, and ate it up like candy. I have always wanted to believe that our soul moves on. Why do you think I studied spiritual psychology in school. In Spiritual Psychology the belief is that we have a soul, every problem and issue overcome helps our soul improve, therefore not only is there a purpose for us being here in the first place, but also a reason why we face life's difficulties. It is a soul centered approach. My dream last night showed me something, but what was it? Was it my deep desire to see the man again and my brain concocted something? Or... Perhaps it was the real thing.

This part of life intrigues me. It's all because we all have to ultimately face our mortality either consciously or face it when our soul lifts out of our body - and I have already had a few of those experiences.

Sorry for the delay in writing, my energies have been in a different place currently - for good reason.

In regards to the book, many people at the funeral stopped me and told me they had read the book. All comments were great! However most were of shock that I could write so honestly and intimately.

So far, so good. Life happily marches on.

Glen

Johnny Boy read the book and loved it. He he. Glen just contacted me and I can't wait to see what is on his mind. Big Ernie is having a memorial service next month and I can't wait to see the old crowd. There is a ton of people omitted from the book for whatever reason that will be great to see. Lots of softball buddies, co-workers when I cleaned swimming pools, and of course the family.

I think about Glen from time to time. He had it very difficult when at the Burn Ward. He was the person to blame and took the brunt of the jokes for whatever reason. But one thing for sure, Glen had a great attitude and was always able to pick himself up after crashing.

I'll give him a call and pass on the info if it needs to be. God bless.

Opportunity?

I was contacted today by a publisher I contacted about four years ago. The wheels of commerce move slowly in my world I guess. The salesman was interested in having me sign up for marketing services. X amount of books would be hard bound, the other percent would be in soft cover. Worldwide distribution and Books would be in Barnes and Nobles ONLINE of course as well as other distributors. All for the amazing cost to me of $1,200.00. This would of course include printed post cards, book marks, posters, and electronic downloads to Kindle type devices - which to me was awesome. All it took was a $200.00 deposit for me, they would hook me up with a marketing genius and after all the dust settles I guess it would cost me $5,000.00.

I wish I did have the money. Having another person or entity involved in the marketing process would be great. They have the expertise in the area. All I know is how to type - though some would argue this.

How sweet it would be to walk into a bookstore, plop myself down at a table with my poster hanging behind me and a gaggle of fans lining up to talk to me, purchase a book and ask me to sign hidden body parts with my magic marker. :-)

Well let's see what I can manifest. Obviouly working as a handyman for the past few months has led me in another direction. Also the talks with Mike regarding the upcoming game has limited my attention to not only the Burn Ward book, but also to the Crisis Management: Step by Step beauty that the publisher was really interested in promoting.

I always thought that the Burn Ward book would foster more attention than the crisis management one. I have learned that people are basically happy with their emotional health, no matter how damaged it was. "This is how I am and will always be" is what I have witnessed. Little do people know that it takes not that much effort to make drastic changes for the better in ones life, but I think that we get comfortable with our predicaments.

So for now I will mull this around. I have a hot desert that awaits me. Of course I choose to deliver a piece of furniture there for my future mother in law. I will attempt to finish tiling and grouting the bathroom, which will complete the entire house! Unfortunately, I believe it is the hottest day of the year and I will be there solo. No help from Collette's father. Thank God Rex the wonder dog AKA "Velcro" is there to slobber on me and follow me around like glue.

Peace.

Hi Everybody

Life is incredibly busy lately which is great news! I have a wonderful family, a challenging relationship with myself which plays out in my relationship at home. Why is keeping myself positive such a struggle at time anyway? I should be happy. I have two homes, a wonderful fiance who puts up with me - though I am low maintanence. I have two plus families, almost too much to keep up with. I have friends that are as close and even closer than my family. My work is incredible due to the amazing staff that keeps me laughing constantly - and they love my sick ass jokes. Oops I cuzzed.

All thoughts about the Burn Ward have been on hold until the book is reedited. A lot of people lately have actually been buying my other book - Crisis Management Step by Step. It seems that more and more are in crisis and need a step by step book on how to work through the tough times. Thank God I have my own personal copy which has been helping me through this burn out period.

I have an energy button on me that has been on go for a long time. I have been writing, doing home improvement projects for self and family simultaneously, now I am tossing around amazing ideas for a relationship game. Believe me it is all good - but sometimes the all good stuff needs to rest.

So forgive me if I haven't blogged recently. More is coming soon.

AHHHHHHHH

There are certain people in my life that perk me up whenever they enter the room. I saw this clearly in my grandmother before she died. She would almost levitate off the ground upon seeing me. Her joy abounded!! When Ernie Sr. recently died it was as if the person that gave me that jolt was no longer around. That was until I got a phone call from his son today - that same jolt hit me.

Ernie and I talked briefly about how similiar him and his father were. It was as if they were clones of each other. Both of them loved life fully and got everyone around them into a festive mood.

Ernie Sr's legacy definetly lives on in his son. Ernie Jr. has gone on to coach his daughters to the state championships in soccer, he has become extremely successful in business and has been happily married going on twenty years. He is a definite inspiration.

We never know how much inspiration others gain in our actions. In the mental health field I have been changing my approach lately and have been trying to incorporate the "jolt". A long time great listener, I thought it was crucial to lend an ear to somebody and have them felt heard. It is nice to be heard, but how often have we not only felt appreciated but loved? In adoring somebody, incredible healing can take place.

Test it out. In your next communication with somebody, instead of pointing out their failures, simply focus on their beauty instead. People with mental health issues become more confident within themselves in response to this.

Sorry, didn't mean to go off on a mental health tangent, but human behavior is simply facinating to me. We weren't ever given a hand book on how to live life so I am trying to scoop up as much information through trial and error as I possibly can. In reading the Burn Ward book you become acutely aware of my errors.

Anyway, thank you Ernie Sr. for your influence, same to you Ernie Jr.

Echo's From the Past

As I sit here and watch the L.A. Lakers play the Boston Celtics in game 7 of the world championship series, I am aware of all the echo's from my past. Lakers, Celtics, fans screaming, physical play, the referee's missing calls - the only missing element is Chick Hearn. Oh how I loved it when he put games in his infamous refrigerator. "The door is closed. The lights are out. The butter's getting hard. And the Jello's Jiggling!"

It's half time and the Lakers are down. Jerry West would bring them back. So would Magic Johnson. Now it is up to Kobe Bryant. Hey I got bit a long time ago. Not at the Burn Ward. I have been a fan ever since Wilt Chamberlain played. Wilt the Stilt was my favorite, then Kareem - originally Lew Alcindor, now it is Kobe Bryant.

I've taken a lot of flak from people for liking a suposed rapist and a man they see as arrogant. People can hate success. Let's face it, this guy excells at what he does - as does Lebron James and hundreds of others in the NBA. I like seeing somebody, so confident, taking care of business.

This is the great American past time - as is World Cup Soccer which is going on now. The kitchen staff at the facility I work at was going nuts today with Mexico beating France. You would have thought it was Cinco De Mayo around here!

Basketball - actually Laker basketball reminds me of my youth. The sky hook, underhand free throw shots, no three point line. Three free throw attempts to make two in the bonus. My oh my has the game changed - for the better. Now we have high flying acrobats from Shannon Brown. Derek Fisher - old in the leagues terms - playing like a teenager.

Obviously I am chomping at the bit, waiting for the second half to begin.

I'll leave with a story about my all time favorite Magic Johnson.

I went to Hawaii after the Lakers beat Detroit in seven games. Wouldn't you know it while I was waiting for the elevator the doors opened and there stood a smiling Magic Johnson. He was staying at my same hotel. Excited I shadowed my hero and followed him into the pool for a friendly game of volleyball with the other vacationers. When I came face to face with Magic from the other side of the net I said, "Hey Magic, I am going to block your spike," with a grin. Magic smiled and nodded and said "Bring it on." Well it took a few moments and my opportunity came. They set the ball to him perfectly and while laughing I leaped out of the water and was looking down on my hero. Magic simply tipped the ball over my outstretched hands and in slow motion I watched the ball sadly drop onto the water beneath me. All were laughing including Magic and myself.

Have a great evening. GO LAKERS!!!

Thank God for Tile Work

I had quite a weekend as I paid my pentence to God while tiling my father's bedroom floor. I use home improvements to get my frustration out, get in a great workout, lose some excess weight and interact with friends and family. To me, the torture of the work is used as time to reflect on the good and not so good in life.

I believe any endeavor gives us an opportunity to tune inwardly. I found my thoughts this weekend were dominated by the passing of Ernie Sr. At a time I didn't trust anybody over age thirty, Ernie entered my life and showed me love, admiration, and fun. This guy was a hoot and I will never forget him. We watched Kraftwerk play at the Santa Monica Civic. My father would never go to watch a German Band crank out Synthesized music. He was like a little kid - as always - loving every minute of the show.

My thoughts meandered on my dad's life and how his house is finally looking not only improved, but Cosmopolitan. Yep, with the tile now in every room and the new coat of paint on some of the walls is perking the place up. I remember when my dad lived in a two bedroom apartment in the San Fernando Valley with a bunch of kids, the heat, and neighbors who tortured cats constantly. How great is it that he has his own place now and I have the honor of fixing it up. In three weekends the tile is finally finished and the next projects are: bamboo flooring in the living room - which should be easy, a concrete extention to the front of the house - which is going to be horrible if it is hot. Sixty bags of concrete? I'll start out with twenty and go from there. Too bad I can't bring the mixer from the desert. Maybe my dad will step out and rent a mixer? Oh please God that would be a dream. Then the final project is doing something with the weeds in the back yard. I think dad wants to put up a wooden awning. I look forward to this - but doing it by myself will be difficult - like 90% of the tile was.

Now I am regaining my strength. I am reminded of the times coming of hallucinogens and burning out for days. The recovery process feels like this, but I do sleep like a baby at night. I wonder, as I age, how much longer I can do this stuff. I watched a home improvement show this morning and saw a group of guys in their twenties build an upper deck to their home. For twenty consecutive weekends these guys were sawing, hammering, hauling, and exhausted to the point of wanting to give up. I laughed. I know how they feel and I am thirty years older than they are and still doing it. Thank you God for giving me this body.

Ernie you will be missed, you came into my life at a time I needed you most. I will never forget the fact that you showed me people were simply people and age was just a friggin number. I just hope I can match the amount of joy you had in your life. You were taken away from all of us much too soon. Please God, keep a special place for this teacher of mine.

Getting Hopeful

There is a stir at my job about the book. It is as if the Red Sea parted and we had a brief break in all the madness of the emergency room to focus on the real important things in life - me. Ha ha!

The latest: The book is now being edited by an actual professional! I don't think you understand the scope of this. I shopped the book around to dozens of editors, asked friends and friends of friends who knew how to properly spell and only got one taker - my loving sister.

Now the book goes to the next level in its evolution. If the Man of White Light is reading this - please watch over this project and get it to the real presses. Sorry if I hurt you amazon.com - I love you up to this point. However having a book at Barnes and Nobel would be incredible!

I can see it. I am walking into the local Santa Monica store, I see the wacky cover design by my friend Mike, and see people looking at the cover laughing, filing through the book and intrigued, and then I would simply make a comment about how great the author was. Then I would whisper "I'll sign it if you buy a copy" with a grin.

I did meet you one time, Enlightened Man. This isn't too big of a request. It does have you in the book, if I have to remind you of the fact.

So, happy reading in the rough form. Who knows, this original version may be a collectors item, so get them while you can. Did you read that Amazon. I am trying to drum you up some business.

What I hoped for!

In writting the Burn Ward book, there were two intentions that I set out. The first was to of course make sense of the craziness that went on in my life and share it with others, and the second was to reconnect with the characters from the past. Both of these have come true. Bill - aka Jaws has contacted me and sounds wonderful. His son is about to graduate also from Cal Berkeley - how cool is that! He told me about the trials and tribulations that his former girlfriend Mary has gone through but is a true warrior and is doing well after some tragedies in her life.

I feel like a proud papa in giving birth to this project. I got an email from Dave who sent a copy of the book to his cousin at a real time publisher who is going to give it the fine tooth combing it deserves - though my sister and I think the book is perfect in the format it is already in - but don't tell that to his cousin, we want her to feel included in the project - like it's her baby so she can shop it to her higher ups.

Suddenly the waiting game begins again, though this time more is at stake - we all hope. In the meantime I watch the Lakers go up and down and cringe while each second of the game ticks off, I fill my days with physical labor in the mornings and weekends to bide my time, and according to my mother ignore her. How in the world can I do that? How can anybody not think about their own mother in each given day? I do owe her a phone call, but for now the busyness of life has come between our relationships for the time being.

If you are new to the blog and have lived the Burn Ward - either this one, or one on your own, give me a shout out and let me know how your world is also.

Peace

A Jammin Good Time!

Last week I blogged about a great group named Venice. Well last weekend I attended their fundraiser for the Santa Monica School system and was blown away! Every year they play with famous musicians, the students and have an auction of a few instruments - which is a blast with the Auctioneer speaking a mile a minute. This event blew me away.

Fee Waybill from the Tubes was hot! "Talk to you later", "One in a million girl! The guy from men at work! "Who can it be now", "The land Down Under." And the guy from Tears for Fears. Who sang one song - I can't recall the name, that is still haunting me.

My favorite time was when the students were involved in music medleys. "Cashmere", "Bohemian Rapsody", and music from the Beatles had everybody on their seats!

The only detriment to the evening actually happened in the morning when I read that Ernie's father - Ernie Sr. had died. He has a huge entry in the Burn Ward book when he hired me as Santa, drove me like a bat out of hell in the neighborhood and welcomed me as a son to his family. Ernie will be missed.

Until we blog again.

Game Board

I saw it! It was awesome! Like a dream it jumped out from the screen and winked at me! The game board structure has been built! Oh my God have the ideas been flying!

My buddy Mike has been working on the "Corporate Bull" for Facebook. It was a game we developed twenty plus years ago. Now it is about to become an overnight success!

I always laugh at that statment. So often people are overnight successes after writing for years, acting in off broadway plays, and spending decades on developing products that finally grab the attention of somebody who knows how to market it. Well Mike may have found the vehicle and since I have played Corporate Bull tons of times, I know all too well that people are going to eat this game up!

How often have you gone through bullsh.. in your office? How often have you seen coworkers brown nose their way through difficulties or to get promoted. There is about to be a game available to all that not only celebrates this, but it also is darn fun to play. My job is to take the guts of this game and shift it to the relationship arena.

If your heart is beating, you too have had your fill of relationship bull. Why not embrace it? I think people will get a kick out of seeing the rediculous issues and scenarios that are common to functional and dysfunctional relationships played out in a gaming format.

Now the game is moving forward and taking great shape. I can't wait for the initial version to take shape.

Happy reading. I am about to email the electronic version of the Burn Ward to the professional editor. Wish me luck.

I'm Back!

I heard from my friend Dave and am about to send a copy of the book to his cousin - who works for a huge publisher. If all goes well this book is about to take off! How exciting is this? I appreciate all the murmering that has been going on. Thank you all so much for telling friends and family about the book. There are a lot of people that are really intrigued with the haunted house and even the exploits we had while selling t-shirts.

I think I have been talking more about concerts lately then spirituality which surprises me. You would think a paranormal type book would elicit talks on spirituality. However as the book unfolds it becomes more of a t-shir oddesey at first so I understand it.

What were your favorite concerts you have seen? I've heard Rick Springfield puts on a hell of a show, but to me, and I've seen a lot of great shows, my favorite was Steve Winwood. Why? Because of the shock value.

After the Burn Ward adventure I got into the production business and produced radio and television spots. Because of this I got a few perks. One of which was set up by a local radio station because we had advertised with them so often.

The partners of our firm were taken to Tony Romas at the Universal Amphitheater, treated to a fine meal, then walked across the street to front row center seats and saw REO Speedwagon, which was a little past their prime, but it was cool shaking hands with the group backstage. The shocker was the next act - an unknown guy I had never seen or heard. At first he started playing familiar tunes from the past - "The low spark of high heal boys" was the first. "Who is this guy?" I kept asking my partner. Then he played "Higher Love" a tune that I never heard before. Song after song sent me to my feet! I was enthrawled! This unknown was phenominal! Yes I had seen Van Halen, Aerosmith, The Rolling Stones, and even the Beatles! Okay so this guy didn't measure up to the Beatles - because nobody can. Trust me, all the other musicians in my mind are trying to vy for second place - if you know what I mean. But there seated in my second place spot is Steve Winwood.

Last year this number two spot was almost taken over by a local band in the Los Angeles area called Venice. I had known this band since the early 1980's! My fiance's daughter is best friends with their guitar player - a guy I had met way back when. I used to play softball with his cousin and this gooney, smiley guy used to come out and support the team. He still is gooney and smiley and one hell of a musician! Their benefit concert for the Santa Monica Schools was simply amazing! In fact they are winding up the benefit show this weekend and I can't wait to see them play again. It is one of their songs I would love to see in the Burn Ward movie - if it ever happens.

So happy reading and stay tuned for a list of the worst concerts I had witnessed. And trust me - that list is much longer than the good.

It's on the Move!

I am getting slap happy about the relationship game. A flood of ideas have been flooding forward, as they always have with my friend Mike.

Isn't this funny. Ever since we were eight years old we always made up games together. First it was making cut out football players - who looked pretty damn real. We would position them, move them about and create our own reinactments of Los Angeles Ram football. Then came Hot Wheels, Gi Joes, sports, Marble Baseball, and fast forward to today - we are doing the same damn thing!

Mike said today, not much has changed. I disagree. Of course we are creating an exciting game like olden days, however we both have changed drastically. When you turn fifty you've lived a lot of life. I feel as a therapist I have been in excellerated life for years. I bring stuff to the surface in hordes of people and we deal with it. This brings up my issues that I must process. I have lived many many lifetimes as a result. The bad or good news is that I still have a lot of growing to do, but "I", as Martin Luther King said, "have seen the mountain top!"

Hopefully the knowledge I have gained in all my lifetimes will be translated into this game. I can't wait to sit down and play the game with my fiance' and her daughter. You want to deal with relationships - well this will be the real test for me - that's for sure.

So thanks for your comments - keep them coming. And together let's have fun on Facebook playing this thing.

Are You Game?

It seems that my life is so busy right now with home improvements, not only at my home, but out in the desert, and now at my dad's that I have started to live vicariously through my friend Mike. Mike is creating a game for the internet - through Facebook and as he progresses forward step by step, my opportunity to partner a game with him gets closer too. How exciting is this? Perhaps this is why I have maxed out my current schedule. Awaiting the next creative endeavor can be difficult at best.

So ideas. Do you have any ideas for the possible game? I have been racking my brain with scenarios for not the Burn Ward game, but a game on relationships. What idiotic things have gone on while you've dated, been married, heard from coworkers that are game worthy. The number one scenario that happened to me was in my last relationship, when my fiance at the time literally kicked me out of the bed in the middle of the night while I was sound asleep because she was still upset with something I said to her earlier in the day! Do you think she had anger issues?

Maybe this is a great question to ask the Burn Warders. Driving Michelle and Dave around while they were getting some was a classic! I am sure there are a ton more. Just imagine playing a game with fun antics, where you can win fabulous prizes - on line. Yeah, that's the ticket!

So let me know. Blog in or contact me at drscottalpert.com

Have a tremendous day.

Return to Dad's

This past weekend was like heaven and hell. Being reunited with my father is a real treat. Yes, as you read in the book, my early years with my father were horrible and set inside of me a lot of anxiety, fear, panic, etc. Fast forward to the present, my father and I have not only worked through our issues, but are as close as two can get - and I write this with pride. How often can the abuser and the abusee hash things out and find unconditional love? Well us two sure have.

It is funny even typing this. I mean funny strange. I haven't thought about my abusive father for years! He has been my best friend for over twenty years and if it wasn't this way, I would have never agreed to what I did for him this past weekend.

If you didn't know by now I like construction. Yes the part inside of me that studied architecture still yearns for creative expression. Well when my father asked me to help him with his home rennovation, I jumped at the offer. This, I thought would give us a project to do together, you know the father son thing, and do some real male bonding. When I showed up with tile saw in hand, I felt like an ant facing a mountain!

You would think that this would be a family affair. Home improvement projects usually are. But where was my brother? Off to a softball game? You've got to be kidding! And for my dad, well unfortunatly his back went out and instead of working on his floor, I was massaging his back! The saddest thing - nobody cleaned out the rooms I had to tile, so there I was on my own, pulling out furniture, closests, nasty carpeting, and scrapping the floors on my own. Don't four people live there?

Aching and angry as hell I wondered if God was punishing me or teaching me some spiritual lesson. Why was I always the responsible one. I just want to have fun - sound familiar?

So with scrapper in hand I started to sing out a church hymn. I figured if I was in hell at least I could ask God to join me. As soon as the lyrics came out my phone started to ring. One sister, the other, her husband, even my brother and his wife returned. Like magic I was surrounded by a loving, and helpful family and we were all working as a team! Eric was unloading material, Samantha was cutting tile, Mara was buttering up tiles, David was bringing tiles to me, Michelle was setting tiles, and I was slapping down tiles like nobodies business! As a team we jammed! Unfortunately the team work wasn't this way the day before, but hey I'm not complaining anymore - this was what I had imagined from the start.

Though we are a dysfunctional bunch, when motivated we can accomplish great things. Again, this project just began and I have a lot of weekends ahead of transforming my dad's place. But one thing is for certain - though dysfunctional our family is full of love for each other and I feel proud to be part of it!

Happy reading - tell a friend.

Some Things Never Change

From time to time my best friend Mike is on track. For some reason we were talking about life today and the subject came up about how people never change. I have seen many changes in people: their income, their marital status, even their physical appearance, but we both realized that people overall never change. Perhaps I gave my stamp of approval on this too quickly.

I have seen transformations on a daily basis. Many criminals and drug addicts have changed their lives for the better and continue to impact themselves and others. Yes they have changed. My life direction years ago changed from sports and architecture to Spiritual Psychology as a living. Darryl was a burn out and is now in semi retirement. Ernie made a killing in the auto industry, while Dave is very successful in advertising! These people once professed burn outs, hovering around the Burn Ward changed their lives big time though did they really change? Dave, John Darryl, Ernie, and myself on the inside are still happy go lucky and similiar to how we were while in the sizzle of burning out in the Burn Ward.

Spiritually we all have souls, and it is our job to nurture and assist our soul into growth and development. In doing so we do change. I have seen many backslide. I have seen my fair share of people going psychotic and even dieing when they fail to work on bettering themselves. I believe that halting the growth cycle is hazardous to our health.

I am well aware of the times I have halted my own growth process. Fearing the unknown I will hold tight to the familiar - whatever that is. I have termed this being attached to the drama. When everything in life falls apart I do have my anger and resentments to hold tight to, when the simple act of letting them go helps propel me to great heights of growth and awareness. But that is such a huge leap of faith to go through. Instead it is simply easier to hang on to my pain, poor health and being right. According to the poet Rumi - "There is a field out there beyond right and wrong doing. I'll meet you there." :-)

Happy reading and blog on

Hesitation

Hello blog fan, Scott here. I have been hesitating lately, knowing full well that without any marketing, my book will fade into the dust like so many failed projects throughout the ages. In talking with many friends we all agree the creative process is easily accessed, but the marking aspect is new, confusing, and seems to be walking down a dark plank to a deep void - any false steps can lead to a huge fall. Do I stop moving forward? If I do I will miss the fall for sure. If I do plod on who knows the trouble that awaits? Or in the future if I keep on going I may at last reach my goal of spreading a life changing event that meant the World to me!

So what - another side of me screams. The events at the Burn Ward meant a lot to me and to John. To other folks that didn't experience the same, does it really matter to them? An interesting question. I hear about lots of paranormal experiences from clients at work on a continual basis. My reaction to them is intrigue. Would I like to read it in a book? Well to be honest, only a few of the depictions have caught my interest. Others are just psychotic renditions of sillyness.

Have I hesitated in spreading the Burn Ward news because of my physical condition? I am nursing a pulled tooth and the gaping hole in my mouth. I have been in the center of household destruction with plaster difficulty, cabinet hell, and now the starting of a new project for my dad's house.

Perhaps all the busyness is giving my mind a break from focusing on a book I had spent the better part of two years on. Typing day and night and obsessing about events from my distant past can be a bit much at times. Trust me - it was a passionate experience but when the switch was turned off in it's completion it is nice to obsess on another hobby like home repair. If you have the knack to work a hammer and a saw you would understand my meaning.

So I hesitate, for whatever reason. I let my mind focus on healing my body, completing handyman projects, and begin the creative process for an exciting game for the internet -

More to follow.

Happy to be Back!

Hello everybody. Have been under the weather and had to have a tooth removed. My dentist years ago told me if I kept my wisdom teeth, since they were softer than regular teeth I would have problems in later life. Well he was right! My tooth was extremely healthy, I bit into a sandwich and it split in two! This was something my current dentist - Dr. Joe - told me was very rare. In this case it isn't too great being rare. So after trying to save the tooth for the past few months and my heart palpitating from the extra infection and battles from my immune system the tooth was exed! Good riddens you crack pot!!

Have you ever had a tooth removed? If you hate any medical related situations like I do, it can be a living hell. Thank God one of my best friends is my dentist. Joe has the most incredible chair side manner and literally hand walked me through the entire process.

If you are squeemish, avoid reading the following:

I had never had a tooth removed, unlike the majority of my friends as teens had all their teeth pulled at once. At this time I was too stoned and into partying to even think about going through all that nonsense and opted to deal with it later in life. Damn.

So here I am - a big sissy, in the chair having to rush miles from the desert to arrive out in Mission Viejo to undergo a tooth extraction. When I arrived - late of course - they rushed me into a chair, checked my blood pressure - which I hate worse than cleaning out urine underneath the cat box - and then they tell me - "You need to relax before we cut into your mouth!" Oh great - how in the world am I going to relax when I see them setting up needles, plyers, rubber gloves and a huge hammer - just in case I am suspecting.

When the time came I was ready. I didn't want to face this alone so I started to hum a song I heard from Guru Singh - "To be confident, that the Infinite, will take care of it, we're so fortunate." Trust me I wasn't fortunate to see that huge needle getting ready to be plunged into my absessed gum, but I was fortunate that God was on my side - or I was deluding myself into believing this.

Whatever Joe did was amazing! He hit the right area and I felt the constantly soar and pressurized location, that was hungry for something ease. At it did I did. Then step by step Joe prepared me for this and that. A painful tug here and a painful tug there, and some ooze came out, causing a weird taste in my mouth - probably all that infected junk, then the tooth slid right out. Nice work Picasso!

I kept wondering as he stitched my gum if this being a wisdom tooth would make me less wise? Yuck yuck.

The best is what happened an hour later. I found myself on my dad's couch in Anaheim watch "The Tooth Fairy" with The Rock. Pretty apprapro.

So now I am in healing mode. Was able to work today, and now return my focus on what really matters - marketing this book in which I have heard no feedback. Did I shock the folks who lived it? Has it brought back unpleasant memories of days gone by? Has it angered people and they are amassing an angry mob to lynch my ass. A wisdom tooth is one thing, I wonder if Dr. Joe can reattach my head after the mob rips it off of me.

Happy reading and kind remarks are always welcomed.

The Game is in Development

Today has been a blast! I love when the creative juices are flowing! I am just kicking back at work - a rare easy day, and just thinking about a new game Mike and I came up with on my drive to work.

How fortunate am I to have a daily relationship with somebody for almost fifty years! I can't believe we are so old, and have known each other for so long, but it's true. Fortunately we are both in great shape and look half our ages. That is probably because we have made ourselves laugh and tapped into our collective creative juices from the moment we met each other high in a back yare Avocado tree!

I don't want to jinx the subject, but we've moved away from the Burn Ward game and focused on another subject. Currently Mike is in production on a Corporate Bull game - a game we kicked around ideas for over twenty years ago. Trust me, the board game is great! Now Mike is taking it electronic and we came up with it's sequel, soon to be released. Well not soon, but the beginnings of it are a crack up!

Go onto bigredshoes.com if you'd like, and check out what Mike has been doing with the game Corporate Bull, and his other dasterdly projects. How cool is it to live your passion as an artist? Mike has survived somehow doing this for years and continues to be a trend setter.

Originally when Mike moved out of state for his first sales job he went through office politics that drove him nuts! Because of this Corporate Bull came to be. His original version was called the "Brown Nose Game" because he learned that in order to move up the corporate ladder many people kissed the bosses ass to do so. Becuase this name wasn't "politically correct", the name was changed.

In the original version every player starts with a bicycle, moves around the game by rolling dice, grabbing a card and following the directions. You were asked to buy a fax machine, a "pager", and bought a new vehicle, collected brown nose cards and ultimately became the CEO of a large firm. Black mail and gossip were common themes in the game. I hope this electronic version contains some of the same gags we devised. Trust me, the old material still applies today.

So now we are at it again. The same old comedy duo is poking fun at life the way that we see it through our skewed vision. As for the Burn Ward Game - Who knows? Perhaps it may fly, but the ideas for it aren't flying out like this current project.

Stay tuned. It should be a goody!!!

NOT AGAIN!

Well the initial review from Michelle is in. She hates that I used her first name. Sheesh! I thought I told her about this and now she is upset. Is everybody going to lynch me? My friend Don assured me I can use first names with no difficulties at all - legally. Well that may be so on the legal level, but I am seeing that emotionally people once they see their name in print get triggered. Well not everybody - Dave, Don, and Johnny boy are eating it up.

Well I guess I asked for it. In writing some kind of historical piece it was inevitable that people would get upset in reading about what happened in their world so long ago. Should I not write, should I hold my passion deep inside of me? Hell no! This is art, mixed with fact, mixed with creativity, mixed with a few manufactured items that make the subject matter flow better. This book wasn't intended to be a gossip piece anyway. It was intended to prove that God does exist and He existed in the most unlikely place ever!!!

Michelle, you should love I mentioned your name, because you are a star in this book to me. Maybe Danielle is going to be a bit more pissed because her actions are described pretty accurately and it must be really difficult to see our short comings in print. Just wait till the movie comes out anyway. I'm sure I'll here from her and others at this time. Bring it on.

I guess the ill feelings come with the territory. In stepping out people seem to push back. This reminds me of a pilot series I worked on years ago called "Star Power". My friend Leslie McRay was a Hollywood socialite who was close to all the mega stars in Hollywood. The show was simply interviewing stars who went through adversity en route to becoming mega stars. All of these people - Omar Sharif, Faith Ford, and Troy Donahue were a few, just off the top of my head that heard a thousand "no you cant's on the way to becoming household names. I haven't heard a thousand, maybe about twenty or so, but I am committed to see this book all the way to the top!

Thanks to all the yes people who surround me. Comments on the blog are always appreciated.

Much love and happy reading.

Albert Saparoff - Epitate

The other day I heard about victims of a building fire having to be sent to the burn ward. I know it's not a chuckling matter, but I did anyway. I had a friend of mine who volunteered his time giving healings to people at a burn ward in the Orange County. Originally he went to the facility to assist a daughter of a friend of his. What amazed everybody was how quickly she was healing.

Non touch healing was shown to me by the late Albert Saparoff. He would place his hands around your body and you could literally feel yourself vibrating. Albert explained it as allowing the healing forces of the universe (God) to enter through his head, move down his arms and go into the places of a person he was working on. To him he was an instrument of God's. When I do healings, I like to recite the Lord's prayer to stay connected to the universal healing energy. As for my friend Jim - at the hospital burn ward, he actually touches people when inspired to do so.

We all have the ability to do this - though we tend to negate our God given ability - or is it something else. Perhaps we choose not to use our gifts fearing ridicule. Many people become comfortable in their "less than" roles often complaining about how life has dealt them a raw hand.

Driving to work today, I remembered something Albert told me. "We live in the Universe - Uni = one, Verse = song, we live in one song!" When we tune in to the key of life - magic takes place. Yes there are always excuses, why we can't stand in our authentic, energetic center. Even so, in any given moment we can easily shift our attention to the healing forces singing throughout all creation! And you just thought you were going to read something ridiculous about a ridiculous book. In all actuality this is the book.

We live, we die, what goes on between the two is of our own creation. We all lost a hero a few months ago with the passing of Albert Saparoff. Ninety four years young, as he said it. Albert was a real heal. I mean healer. And I know Albert would laugh at that. When I met Albert I was hungry to learn about Spiritual things. Isn't it amazing how certain people show up in your life at the perfect time to help teach you what you are yearning for. Well Albert was into positive thinking before it was a fad. At fifty Albert changed from being a concert musician to a film maker. His program "Get High on Life" in the 1970's went into the inner city to teach children to avoid drugs and get high on thier accomplishments. His program was even adapted to the military! I was close with Albert the last twenty years of his life. I took Albert to Hawaii - knowing it was going to be his last trip. We had an amazing time!

I don't understand why Albert is so present in my thoughts today. Perhaps when thinking about healers he tops my list. But with him gone it is time to pass the baton to someone else. For now I'll take it and try to show others how to do the same.

Wishing you all happy reading, and again let me know your thoughts of the Haunted House Burn Ward book.

More Evidence

As a doctor of psychology it is my job to assess people who are in a crisis. Day in and out I meet some extraordinary people who have battled with not only mental illness but also the paranormal. Yesterday a client was talking to me about living in a haunted house.

Now for most professionals in my field, they would look upon this as having delusions, as for me, I need to investigate a tad bit more because I lived in one. This person began describing plates falling from the table, books getting tossed from the shelf, and feeling such a dark presence in the room they brought in their Pastor to chase the evil spirit away. Why didn't we think of that? Perhaps we didn't because of the Buddha fountain in our room and it might have given the preacher the wrong message.

I am hungry to find out more about the great beyond. As I get closer to transitional age I wonder if I fear death or pain more? It is inevitable - we all die and we never talk about it. Is it pleasant? Do we instantly come back if we have unfinished business or learning here? Do we hang around in the ether with God for a bit before coming back. Or do was move on - whatever that means. Do we grow spiritually and become an unseen teacher or guide as Gary Zucav wrote about?

Years ago I interviewed a Vietnam vet. This man was clinically dead seven times! He recalled each event and one in particular will always stay with me. Getting shot on the battlefield would probably be the worst. He was shot numerous times and was fortunate to get airlifted out in a helicopter. At this time he had numerous out of body experiences, kept popping out of the helicopter, would freak out and zoom back into his body, would pop out again, wonder if he would return, would, and eventually made it to the hospital in time to be saved. Wow! All he said was he saw the white light, was tempted to go to it, but felt he was too young to die and fought hard to remain. What is in that light? What is on the other side? Are you curious too?

What Can I Say?

Every once and a while I am at a loss for words. What should I write about pertaining to the book. My focus hasn't been on the book today for one good reason - I have been working hard on a home improvement project and been focusing only on reducing my anger.

Yep - I too get irritated. I guess that happens to me when I am on overload. Every day I wake up early, plaster, sand, paint, clean, haul out, go to Home Depot, and start the cycle again. Last night I was working to 11:30 pm! In fact, I took off a few hours of work in order to rush home to work some more. Yippie!

Are we close to finishing? I don't know. Somehow in my life things are thrown upon me at the last second and I find myself hauling things to the desert, tearing out tile, and installing something new. In fact this emergency handy man work has literally transformed the vacation place in the desert.

What happened to me? I used to get stoned, meditate in front of a Buddha fountain, and travel the country selling bootleg shirts. Now I play handyman in my off hours, play doctor during the week, and play exhausted on the weekends while I try to put all the pieces back together.

Am I complaining? Not one bit! I love being productive. Every project has led to incredible beauty. I handled the book this way and feel it is a real gem. The property out in the desert I am so proud of because I have done everything from fixing the foundation, to scraping the stucco off the ceiling and replastering it. With every project I learn, grow, and become more confident in my home improvement skills.

Once I dragged Michelle - from the book fame - out into the desert to help with laying saltillo tiles. She was exhausted in the first fifteen minutes.

Hey Michelle! Stop smoking those cigarettes and get down on your hands and knees for eight hours. This is how I keep my girlish figure.

It's interesting. I started this blog with nothing on my mind but knew it would lead me somewhere. I like staying busy - that is a given. I also do like to lazy around when I can. I love trying to accomplish new and interesting things in my life. The next project will be creating an awning - first for my dad and then for myself in the desert.

That's the blog of the day. May all your projects go smoothly and turn out awesome!

Uh Oh

Uh oh! It's happened. Michelle has purchased a copy of the book and is about to read it. Michelle is one of the original Burn Ward residents and stories of her run throughout the book. I am sure she will have a lot to say about it and can't wait to pass this on to everybody. Maybe, she will join in with the blogging fun.

It is interesting when somebody who experienced something extraordinary with you is in the process of reading your take on the experience. I hope my brutal honesty - especially about her sister doesn't trigger her like a few other friends. What is great about the triggering process is that people are really involved in the subject matter. Well, that is what I have tried to convince myself.

Knowing Michelle, she will laugh, say a lot of Dudes, and want to slug me in the arm when she sees me.

Happy reading to you all - especially to those who lived the Burn Ward.

A Tribute to Samantha

My last to do on my book list was accomplished today. Though I am sure there is a million more to do, but this is the from the short list. Today I signed a copy of the revised book for my sister Samantha. Though my blogs in the past may have painted a tainted view of her editing work - in her words, but let me assure everybody - without her help I would have been lost in the final stages.

Have you ever bitten off a big project and needed some assistance from anybody? This seems like an ongoing theme for me. I remember when I was laying floor tile and I had a few jobs that was so overwhelming I called in my other sister Mara and brother David to help. Just their being there was all the support I needed. But with the book I needed someone drastically! This was when Samantha answered the call.

In writing a book, it is writing draft after draft after draft, and still you have to edit it about fifty times more. In writing the same story again and again it is easy to get lost in it and lose objectivity. I try to push myself away from the project for a month, but after about a week there is this intense pull to complete the project. Obviously I am project driven and hate unfinished business. With Samantha reading the book, giving me pointers, suggestions, and correcting my poor grammer, the book took on a life it didn't have before. It was actually a book!!

Did she miss things? Yes. Did I screw up? Yes!!! Way more than her few misses. But writing, or really any project is art - a creation. There are still flaws in the book and I am hearing about them from readers now - and I am okay with it. I don't profess to be perfect - I too am a piece of art. Though some would say I am a piece of something else. Still, I believe this artwork came out beautiful because of the support I got from my sister in a cruicial period in the books development.

I am happy that this book became a family project, even if there were a few mentions about my father's angry outbursts in my youth. That was the bad daddy from yester year. If you met my father today you couldn't help but fall in love with him. Why not? He works at Disneyland, loves people, always has something kind to say, and he still looks handsome - like his son - thank you very much. My dad has become my best friend and to that level so has my mom who I blasted pretty much through the entire text. Both of them have great hearts, love people, and are always upbeat. I definitely come from good stock.

So thank you Samantha for your stepping forward and reading the over four hundred pages and doing masterful work. It is well appreciated and I hope the folks that read the book understand your input in this project and appreciate you too.

Much love.

IT'S OUT!!!

Well that was fast. Not only is the book available on amazon.com right now, it is also on sale!! Ahhh. Now I can breathe again. A wonderful completion.

I want to thank my friends and family for their support, honesty, resentments, brutal honesty, and encouragement. I realize that writing a book at times becomes a group effort.

As a writer, it can be a solo effort. Unfortunately this myopic view of a story can at times make one miss the obvious. This led to a little rift between friends recently. When there are a many different perspectives, a story is greatly enhanced. For example, there was a part in the book where my character was telling bad jokes and John's character kept replying "Dud". My sister kept editing "dud" into "dude". No my jokes were to him a real dud. Now this is unusual because my jokes are always GREAT!!! In fact I am so funny I always crack me up!

Please join in the blog and let me know your point of view. Perhaps this book can simply be a work in progress - since the last revision went so smoothly.

Thank you all for your continued support and interest. Tell a friend.

Increased Demand

At work I haven't really promoted the Burn Ward Book. I wrote another book called "Crisis Management: Step by Step" which teaches people how to counsel themselves. However today I talked to one client about the paranormal experiences I had at the Burn Ward and how I just finished a book about it, and the client wanted to read it.

People on the most part appear spiritually dead. Well at least the clients I speak to on a daily basis seem to believe there is no God, or don't want any part in a God that allows such attrocities throughout the world. If I didn't see it with my own eyes, I may feel the same way - no matter how much scientific proof is shown to me on the contrary.

Is there a God? Yes Victoria there is. I tried to paint a picture of Him throughout the body of the book - believe it or not. When life is going smoothly, who cares about God. When the Shi.. hits the fan, folks tend to rush to God - whoever He is. In a crisis they come to me for counseling. How bizzare is that? I used to run from the cops, take acid, and travel the country in the back of a van. Now I am looked upon as an expert. Well I am a doctor. However even to me it is pretty strange. How did this happen? Well, with God anything is possible. :-)

So my patients are interested, my family is excited, a few friends want to make a movie about it. Alright God - you've got my attention. Thanks for being there.

I Approved the Proof Round Four

Happy, happy! Joy, joy! The book came, looked great and now it is up to the printer. A maximum of fifteen more days before it is available at amazon.com.

What did I learn in this breif interuption period? Something major. How I am with myself, regardless of what is going on with other people, is extremely important.

It can be easy to get swept up into the feelings and atmosphere of others. I don't know how big time actors and people in the public eye keep themselves centered. It is a fine art. Wanting people to love and respect me had been an issue since I was a small child. "Mommy, mommy, watch this!" "Look at this!" But even as an adult I will often get back in that mode. "Honey, I need a hug."

Yes we are social beings, and none of us lives in a vacuume. I watched a show about this guy who tried to survive in Alaska on his own for three months. It wasn't the whether, lack of food, or physical struggles that got to him. It was the lack of companionship. There are those that can exist a nomadic life but I choose not to, or maybe only in one or two week stints.

We have a vacation home way out in the desert. I mean it is WAY OUT THERE! You have to drive thirty miles away from the closest town and drive down a dirt road to get there. But when you are there the beauty of the 25 acres we have, the beautiful home, and even the guard dog (who wouldn't hurt a flea), brings a sense of relaxation and wellbeing.

I often thought if my financial situation improves drastically, and why not? I am a doctor with unusual training and talents, it would be incredible to build a retreat out in the middle of nowhere for people to simply unwind, connect back into their soul, and rejuvinate.

Happy day, got to fly

Losing my Patience

Still on hold. Still waiting for the proof of my book. I can't tell you how many times I've wanted to approve the book without seeing it so I can get the marketing process back on track. Thank God I have this rational voice in my head telling me to calm down and be patient. Without this voice I would have published a pretty raw version of the book and looked like a total loser. Right now I am only a partial one.

So I wait, rush outside when I see the Fed Ex truck, and get frustrated that it's not there. I feel like a kid at Christmas - "Where's my present?"

I got a crazy idea a week ago to begin writing a screenplay of the book. So I began chopping down the parts that seemed like they wouldn't translate on film. What a difficult process. How can I choose what to edit out? I think everything I wrote about is relevent but then again having the little league game and the frisbee dog segments in the movie doesn't really depict the essence of the house, the spiritual message, and the overall flavor of the book. Still I love those parts!

So for now, the screenplay is on hold until the marketing kicks in. There has to be some public interest anyway before a movie deal could ever take place.

This is impatient Scott signing off.

Renewing Faith

It is interesting what has transpired in this past week. I had relationship issues with my best pals over the book, faced my own issues of not being perfect, dealt with my own anxiety, repaired relationships, got reintroduced to God through my brother, then my clients, and suddenly today God returned with a long BUZZ. In the process my physical ailments have been healing incredibly. Who would have thought when the darkness of my soul returned God was close at hand.

I am in a profession where it is important to keep oneself in balance. How can you help people in a crisis when you are in a crisis of your own. And for me the crisis doesn't only show up emotionally, but it also shows up physically - in body issues, mentally - in my own torment towards self, and spiritually - losing my connection with God. Thankfully the close of this week is bringing all the above back in harmony.

I have chosen a life that see a lot of pain. How different than the carefree days of my youth that I began to write about. How great were the days when my only stress was from a curveball that barely missed hitting me on the high school team. Now I see people everyday that are paranoid, psychotic, in a rage, depressed and in a panic - and this is before I have even made it to work!!!

I find solace in my faith, a faith that began in the heart of the Burn Ward book. To be honest, this was the driving force behind my writing the book. The experience was too big for me to hold inside. I am sorry that my ultra honesty triggered some people because I wanted to portray what was exactly going on and the motivation behind my actions. This however is no excuse for writing heresay into some of the story which opted me to revise the book this week. Trust me the revision does not effect the heart of the book, the real story that is by no means fabricated one iota.

I laugh at myself to taking myself so seriously. As my dad says, "don't sweat the small stuff, because it's all small stuff." Yes and no. Some of the small stuff can lead to incredible growth, evolution, and spiritual awakening. We are all amazing inside - trust me. I even see the glow in those with severe mental illness. As Mother Theresa said, "I get to see Christ in all his disguises".

When the book returns to the shelf (so to speak) please recommend it to a friend. It was written to give everybody hope that God does really exist - even in the most unlikely places. Trust me, if God shows up at a haunted party house, He can show up anywhere.

Peace, and happy waiting.

Happy Earth Day!

Happy Earth day everybody! This is the earth's birthday - so to speak. Johnny boy is having a field day with emailing me all kinds of earth day related material. Some things never change. John will always have a yearning to protect not only the oceans, but the air and land!

What have I done to better this planet? I recycle, walk instead of drive around my house, clean up after my dog poops, reuse construction materials in the desert, and like pee outside. I fail miserably on showering and brushing my teeth - often letting the water run too much. On this Earth Day I will make a commitment to cut down my water usage dramatically, though with it raining so much in the area water conservation has been the last thing on my mind.

Now if I found a job I walked to, grew my own food, had an electric car, and survived off the grid I would be living a Johnesque existence.

Something to strive for I guess.

Peace to you all. Still waiting on the proof of the book.

On the Upswing!

With all the repair work going on - with the book's quick revision, and working through relationship issues with my oldest friends (well they're not my oldest friends - they have been friends with me the longest), life is gettting back to normal. Though my life is far from normal.

I appreciate the repairing process. How horrible it must be for people that are trapped in resentments, in righteousness, and even in holding onto the label of victim. Okay, so we all have incidents in our lives - some horrible and need working through with a professional like myself, other incidents are, in the scope of things, a bruise to the EGO. But it all boils down to one thing - do I choose to feel happy. Taking it a step further - do I choose to forgive the person that hurt me? Taking it a further step - Do I choose to forgive myself?

I am choosing the high road. I choose forgiveness of myself and others. Wayne Dyer wrote about it being impossible to make ourselves feel bad enough to repair damage we've made. What is that going to do anyway? Of course I am not going to go on the exact opposite of the spectrum and feel fantastic after causing another person hurt, but beating up on myself is an option I will choose for a short time period, then I take the next step in taking the proper action steps in order to correct the situation.

It felt good to converse with one friend today after having a small scuffle recently. We have been close for far too long to let issues get in the way. How great is that? I wonder if other people allow their friendships to get heated and work to preserve it like we have. I feel this makes a strong connection since we've proven time and time again we are committed to each other. I guess over forty five years of knowing someone will do this.

I knew today was going to be great when it started with a prayer by my younger brother. I had slept over at my dad's the night before, and with my brother now a converted Christian, he is still on fire for God. During the prayer I felt it. The same buzz that happened during my meditations. This buzz I used to lead my life by. Now the buzz had been replaced by responsibility, rushing here and there, doing this and that project, and above all worry. I like and miss the buzz.

Wishing you all a glorious, buzzing day.

Dignity

As I go on this book writing oddessy, I am blown away by acts of courage, honor, and dignity. Yes, I have always known that I am not perfect, and don't profess to be so. Sometimes I have done and said some pretty dumb things and have recently righted a wrong of my own doing. The two principle people I have affected in my boner are coping, trying to work through the uncomfortableness of the situation and trying to put what I had omited to delete in the book behind them. How cool is that? To me this is the true sense of dignity. An error was made, efforts to repair the situation were made, appologies were expressed, and now we all move on learning our own special messages. I guess this is what life is really all about - trial, error, learning, hopeful growth, and ultimately becoming a better person.

I have a plan. To inundate my two friends in whom I hurt with daily appologies. Not many copies were sold of the book with the fubar included so we all feel good about that. So I figure in about five years of daily "I'm sorries", it should do the trick. Two days and counting.

The great news through all the growth experience is the possiblity of a person from, I think Random House Publishing actually editing the book and bringing it to the next level. A HUGE LEVEL!!!

You find out a lot about yourself and others when an issue presents itself. I learned I want to immediatly jump into action and repair things to the best of my ability. Therefore the book was taken off the shelf for a brief time. I also learned that my long friend communicated in a positive way how he was hurt and what his needs were. I learned from the other friend that it was going to take a process for him, but he was in healing mode. How cool is that? I learned how other friends are ready to rush in with axes flailing - like how the media can be if your hair is out of place or your nipple is showing through your shirt. **I just looked down to see if my nipple was out**

We live in a litigious society. I've been litigious in the past when I've felt friends or family have done me wrong. What I am learning is that we all fail, it's just a fact of life. I have failed my family, my friends, in my relationships, and with my commitments with myself constantly. Does this mean I am hopeless? Does this mean I should just give up? Of course not because my heart is in the right place. I do care about everyone. This is my fault - if it is one.

This book began as a Scott tells all story and in going about it this way some close friends were bitten. I feel down, climbed back up, and now it is time to walk taller knowing I did my all to repair what I could. - Is my nipple showing? -

Anyway, still awaiting the proof. It was Fed Exed yesterday and a special person will own this special token of my love for two dear friends.

Much love

The Shee is now Hitting the Fan!

The early reviews are in. Some great, some obvious (like gramatical issues), some painful. In recalling events so long ago and writing about them I have neglected one issue - the emotional element to reading about oneself or someone you have a close relation to. It should have been obvious to me that people may get triggered in hearing about situations in the dark past and bringing them to the light. I should have omitted a lot in the book and thought I had for the most part. The stuff about Danielle I didn't really edit much because of the mere fact that her character was so colorful and meaningful to me and the shock that I went through in yester year translatted perfectly in the book. Other superflous information needed a bit of sifting as I learned from some close friends pointed out. Therefore I pulled the book off the shelf for the time being, made the appropriate changes, had the book re approved and once again wait for a proof of the book for me to approve. Trust me, this is a great thing!

I learned a valuable lesson. The stories behind closed doors can include what I deleted, but for me to stain somebody's reputation without needing to in the public areana is unfair and I am glad I took the references out. Now if you are in my close circle, this wouldn't be an issue. For all the world to see - it's better to let the overall story be told and not an insignificant fact having no bearing on the rest.

To those that were offended - and you know who you are. Again I am sorry. A thousand appologies to you all. I think I am on my twentieth already.

So for the rest that have ordered the book. It should be available in about a week. Keep monitoring Amazon. Trust me. Even with this one paragraph omitted, there are still 408 action packed pages ready to entertain you - according to my friend who got upset. He still LOVED the overall book!

Happy reading and happy blogging.

Hello Book Fans!

The buzz is building, let's see where it goes to. Still awaiting my first reviews but have heard from friends and names from my dark and distant past. A bit awkward. I am kind of baring my soul and the naivety of the past. Yes it was a long time ago, but I, at the time made these ridiculous decisions that made me stumble into a very unique experience only observed by a lucky few.

"Darryl is still in hell." John laughed the other day.
"Dude, can Dave even read the thing?" Michelle laughed.
Dave won't even talk with me now. He is stuck in text mode on the phone. Any time day or night Dave will fire back a reply. So now I am going to call him Digital Dave.

Still floating about the close encounter with Ray Bradbury. All John talks about is sending the book to influential people on T.V. for them to give a read and a plug. I need a budget to do this and hopefully will recover from the soar anus Uncle Sam gave me this tax season. Trust me, it is hard to remain seated I'm hurting so much. Maybe I should seen the house ghosts to the IRS? Yeah!

Happy reading, can't wait for the responses.

Back to Normal Life

Well after the initial buzz, it is back to real life. Until I recover from paying the government all of my money and my renter bounced his check to me - I am hurting. All thoughts of buying a ton of books and having a book signing has been put on hold until my finances can rebound. The good news - I have a book out! How cool is that? Plus I sat down with the writing God - Ray Bradbury!

Now all thoughts are focused on projects at home that have been put on hold, and trust me, my fiance' has a back log of them, starting with gutting the kitchen and putting in new cabinets and range. I'm glad that she has a budget - right now I sure don't. But here we go again. I just finished two huge jobs at our desert property. A flagstone path that looks great! And, I replaced a broken slab floor in the living room, and tiled over it to perfection! Obviously I appreciate my own efforts.

So as the eyes begin to explore the book I am grateful I am busy. It takes my mind off of worrying about my writing skills. I hold tight to what my sister said after she edited the book: "I want to meet everybody in the book!" Obviously I had developed the characters enough for her to connect with them.

As I drove to work today I began to make connections with my book and Harry Potter - my favorite all time series - Sorry Mr. Bradbury. Mitch was similar to Malfoy and Mickey to Voldemort. Okay, this is a bit of a stretch but it did cross my mind. Maybe Johnny boy is really Herminey?

Happy reading

The First Returns

Now that the book is available, a stir is beginning. I am hearing from family, friends, and all wishing me well. I forgot about this fringe benefit. I am the type who burrows through a project, focusing on the task at hand and often will not contact people I adore for long periods of time. I do this, have done it for years, and probably will keep on doing it because I am a task oriented guy.

The first reviews are interesting. My friend Mike got angry because he didn't recall an argument we had towards the end of the book. I explained to him, it was probably the most life changing event I've ever gone through if you continue reading. In all actuallity he was skimming through the end of the book and noticed his name written down.

Yes, I probably will trigger a lot of people who were depicted in the book. A tell all book tends to do that. However these were events 30 years ago! I for one am not the same person I was back then. Life experience tends to change you. I even cringe about the ways I handled things way back when.

I talked to my mother about this a few days ago. I tended to show her in a not too favorable light. She was taking the high road - as she normally does. "It was a long time ago, a lot of learning has taken place after this period, and currently we have a great relationship." Right on mom!

Again the toughest part of focusing over and over again on this time period was having to remember the same old issues continually through the rewriting process. Try writing a book, no stone is turned over. I feel exposed, and those who still matter to me to this day are also exposed if you know their first names.

So I guess ridicule comes with the territory. My mother and now Mike are happy with me once again. Both can find their centers rather quickly - thank God. But this was a story I was compelled to write, took the effort to do so, and now I am just waiting for how people I do not know receive this tale.

Peace to all.

RAY BRADBURY

For years I have been compelled to meet up with my former neighbor Ray Bradbury. I grew up across the street from the Bradbuy's and because my family was afraid of him, I was elected to bring him holiday gifts and other communications. I WIN! I got to hang out with the greatest guy ever! He talked about love, about passion, how he got his first break in the industry 55 years ago, and above all - how to write.

It is Ray's fault that I have this passion for the written word. It drives me, I get excited about doing it and thinking about it while I sleep, drive, Kayak, and work. Then when all the distractions are gone, I get busy.

Yesterday I payed homage to my hero. I drove to his house, praying he still lived there, and with new novel in hand, headed up his familiar stairs. When I saw some outgoing mail with his name on the return address I knew I had struck gold.

Ray was more than happy to see me. It had been fifteen to twenty years since we had interacted. He was tickled pink that I was not only a writer but a doctor who's job it was to help people better themselves. I heard the familiar stories again, was saddened by the passing of his wife - a joyful being - a few years back, and laughed about how his daughter had the hots for me. Classic Ray!

Ray still has that passion for writing. Still talks about the healing power of love, and was amazed with not only the book subject, but also Mike Browne's artwork. If he reads the book, which I doubt, it doesn't really matter. Just telling him about how he impacted my life was reward enough. As you can tell I have a sacred bond with him and always will.

As I floated back to Earth the rest of the night, reliving our interactions of the past and present, wouldn't you know it that the book became available for sale. What a great Christening process! When old school meets paranormal meets new.

Ray is into aliens, spirits, and the power of love - perhaps he will read the book.

Happy shopping all!

The Buzz is Starting!

I have begun to get the word out about the books upcoming release - probably in a few days from now. Already there is an energy building around all the folks that were involved in that time period. The first question they ask me is: "Am I mentioned in the book?" The second question is: "What name did you use for me?" Of course I've told them their real name is in print and all involved are happy about that!

Now comes my test. How do I deal with my anxiety? Of course it is a book and a few characters might be combined with others. Of course I have fabricated a few time lines, just to keep the story flowing properly. However, as for authenticity, the book is pretty damn accurate - especially when it comes to the paranormal.

I've looked for comperable books on the market about the subject. Most are fictional novels depicting how evil always triumphs. A bunch of hog wash if you ask me. We went to battle as you will soon learn and we are still surviving today - thank you (or God) very much.

So let's see how the book is received. I am starting to count the minutes to seeing the icon on Amazon.com.

Happy reading - I have a feeling it will be out tomorrow - friday the 9th.

Peace

Things are Brewing

Ready or not here comes the marketing campaign. If the book signing thing works out, who knows, I may opt to leave my day job and focus on my passion - getting this book out and focusing on other creative projects.

I have a friend that works at a radio station and let's see if this contact blossoms to air time for yours truly. The game may be a possiblity. Other writing projects are well within the rhelm, especially if I want to turn this book into a movie.

Do you see what I do to myself? I have been pushing to complete this book and once it is done have begun to push in another direction. I wonder if I even remember how to relax and go slowly anymore?

I need to ponder this question for the time being. What I do know is that I am excited about making a change, this book, and the reaction people will have to it. I anticipate big things happening soon. Thank you for taking a key part in it with me.

Peace

Is it really Seven Thirty?

Good evening everybody. Not a day goes by without my wondering when the Proof will show up. All systems on this end are go. I can't wait to have this baby out in the public already.

I am in great spirits, especially coming back from my vacation home in the desert. I finished a number of projects this weekend, the largest was the flagstone path from the gate all the way to the back door (our front door actually) after over a year is finally finished!

I guess this is a time of completion. Many loose ends (the book, the home in the desert, and even my taxes, are all complete. There is a feeling of accomplishment with each. And like a giant weight that has been lifted off my shoulders, I eagerly await my next challenges.

Today I got rewarded. One of the administrators at work asked if I wanted to get a massage this afternoon. For free? Why of course. So I was nice and let an intern work on my back in one of those new fangled chair gizmos they didn't teach me about when I went through massage school. How great was that! Just after a weekend of hard labor what could have been better? Well if you asked this question to Mike or Dave they would have probably asked to be fed at the same time, for the massage therapist to do the massage topless, and probably the Psychiatrist at work would have asked for a happy ending as a joke. But for me, it was just the thing I needed - though food at the same time would have been cool.

I have a feeling that the book will be waiting for me when I get home in about a half hour. So happy evening and we'll blog tomorrow - God willing.

The Game Revisited

As the date for the Ipad approaches I have been focusing on creating the Burn Ward Game for it. Oh my God have I had myself in stiches! Yes I can really bust me up! I think it's a family trait because for years my grandmother told me she kept herself laughing all of the time - bless her soul.

The main elements I have been thinking about is:

The rat shoot - Yes, we had rats and the Beebe gun kept their numbers way down. Why not make a game out of it?
The Keg toss - Okay so I tried to carry a keg down our driveway, dropped it and it rolled into the house - why not make fun of that too?
Minors darts - since the power continued to go out, we used to strap flashlights to our hats and continue games this way. I hope my buddy Mike can artistically portray this.
Caps - We used to sit people in two groups facing each other with half filled beer cups in front of them. If you were able to fling your cap into a person's cup seated in the group facing you, they had to drink. Imagine what this game was like with a Ghostly influence?

Needless to say, I've got a slew of other ideas, including one with a police car.

Stay tuned.

Book Signing

In creating a book, it has always been my dream to have a book signing event at a local book store. How cool would that be? In creating a project from blank page and ideas galore to ultimate product in your hands is an amazing process! Akin to giving birth - I'm sure. Actually that describes it fairly well. Years ago I grew up across the street from Ray Bradbury the science fiction writer - you know Farenheit 451, the Martian Chronicals, The Illustrated Man. Mr. Bradbury instructed me years ago to create characters, create a scene, and let the characters bring the scene to life! Thank you Mr. Martian! This worked! I wrote a technical how to book about self counseling techniques, but this new book is a novel and has characters that bring it to life!

So with book almost in hand I am dreaming. I would love for all the characters in the book to gather together for a celebration of who we all are and who we were! If my one fan who reads the blog has any suggestions, don't hesitate to reply.

Peace

Let the Marketing Process Begin!

Self promoting a book on a limited budget has its limitations - to say the least! With all the effort, lost revenue in focusing on writing instead of building a private practice, and avoiding social situations in favor of typing time, the reasons are obvious why my budget isn't where I'd like it to be.

So I am beginning the process of visiting all the wonderful web sites that promote your project for free. I am picking the brains of friends, family and associates for their input - which has been extremely positive thus far. I will fill in the blanks for you as the process unfolds. For now I bid you farewell and happy marketing.

Peace.

Catching My Breath

Life is interesting ain't it? Lots of ups and downs and sideways. For what purpose? As a Spiritual Psychologist the focus is on soul education. The premise: We are all spiritual beings having a human experience. It is this human experience for many that causes great grief. If we can learn and grow from these experiences at the soul level, we evolve, grow, and hopefully won't have to return here again to undergo more of the madness.

I enjoyed the beginnings of my soul education at the Burn Ward. Things flew on their own, the power regularly went out, a chair could tell if people had good or bad energy. Fast forward to the present in which I am looking for new awareness, new avenues in order to grow and overcome my limitations, and above all finding ways to get rid of my damn anxiety.

I know - some people believe that anxiety is the belief that God doesn't exist. At times I do fool myself into believing I am all alone. Why do I have to continually do this to myself. Or, on the flip side how do others feel the constant presence strongly? I'd rather be in this camp. Unfortunately I am really having that human existence.

Hopefully I am at an end to my tooth issue. Hopefully the infections in my mouth will soon subside. Thank God for alternative medication and herbs. Hopefully this dream of a book and accompanying movie will soon come to fruition.

Obviously I had a bit of a shock at work today and it made me take a step back, catch my breath, and refocus on what is really important. People, family, workmates, clients, God's interactions. I wonder what tommorrow may bring.

Peace

Wa Hoo!!!

Well after about ten days, not only is the rewrite completed, the publisher also approved the book and are sending me a proof of it. I am so glad that I took the effort to go through the book an additional two times this past month. In doing so, the characters came to life, I was able to get into detail about certain facts that seemed vague, and had the opportunity to judge myself about how I handled blending in a few characters to speed up the time table of the story.

The blend, yes a bit of a touchy subject since I stand for honesty and had to fabricate a few peripheral facts, but I assure you I didn't fabricate any of the paranormal experiences.

So now after all the effort I sit and wait. After going hardcore for the past umpteen months it is all a waiting game till I have proof in hand.

Now is the time to start marketing, not only this book, but my first book "Crisis Management: Step by Step". That book is basically about how to counsel oneself through life's difficulties. Obviously we live in a world that doesn't know how to work through emotional issues. This book shoes people a number of effective tools on how to work on themselves.

So, to be honest I feel pleased. Finally something that has been stewing in my head is now down on pages and awaiting others scrutiny. I am a big boy and am sure I can handle both positive and negative reviews. At this point one review would be appreciated. I hope the reviews continue to multiply!

Four Chapter's Down

Slowly but surely, step by step, inch by inch, the blog remains the same. Well kind of...

Plodding along happily. Seeing only minor errors now and explaining details more fluidly. I am attempting to change lemons into lemonade as I continue fine toothing the text.

The cover looks great! Better than I ever imagined! Next week while on vacation, all talks will be the inner workings of the companion electronic game for the Ibook. If things go to plan, the name Burn Ward may be very popular. How ridiculous is that?

Who would have thought that the actions of two rebellious guys thirty years ago would lead to a book, a game, and I pray a movie. No joke. Dave and Don, both characters in the book are involved in the Hollywood production biz!

As you see I am a dreamer, but if it wasn't for us dreamers... well you know the rest.

So I continue to plod and dream away. The characters in the book have once again come to life. The old issues with my mother are once again in my face which is the only detriment in this process. We had resolved our shit a long, long time ago and reading about our past transgressions tends to transport me back to that time emotionally. If not for this, the rewrite would be more of a pleasure. Still, I have the ability to make chores pretty enjoyable.

So, for now, have a great week and you'll be hearing from me when I return home.

Peace!

Opps I Did It Again!

Guess what? Yep. I got the proof of the book alright and of course on the second page there were gramatical errors I didn't catch. Here I go again. Immediately, without even a thought I began the rewriting process. This wasn't anything like before where I had to rationalize fixing my errors. Now I am looking at this book as a professional endeavor. What is a few more weeks of trimming away the fat anyway?

I am proud of myself. I have always been a "Let's just get it done" guy. Now I am being more careful. A first.

There are a lot of examples of my being in just get it done mode. I did tile work for years and our motto was to just keep going - it is artwork, not perfection. Though with tile, most of the pieces are milled in different sizes. It is almost impossible to make a floor absolutely perfect. With the exception of Marble. With marble each piece is milled exactly because the grout joints are only about a sixteeth of an inch thick.

Taking the tiling analogy, I need to view this book as a marble project. I am simply laying it out as perfect as possible. Please, please God, make this the last redo. I've wanted to grout this job for months!

Thanks for hanging in there once again. I will be on vacation next week so won't be able to blog. Guess what I'll be doing? Tiling. No actually just finished a huge job in the desert recently. THis vacation it's watching the Dodgers in spring training - a first, and typing like a possessed man!

Happy trails!

Crossover

Inevitably while working as a therapist in a crisis setting people talk about demons, seeing things move, and feeling posessed. They are shocked when I tell them I have had the same experience!

In the clinical world, God, spirituality, and the paranormal are seen as something to take medication for. When people tell me they meditate, pray about their ailments, and feel dark energy I applaud them. To me they are sensitive to the unseen.

Let's face it, we have to some extent experienced something that can not be explained through normal channels. I saw a man of pure white light - I can't explain that, nor can the two other people I know that also experienced the same. Are we all freaks? Some believe so... Perhaps... Or maybe we are normal and all the flat liners, who haven't had these experiences are freaks? Makes you wonder.

In working in the psychological industry, we are aware of a fine line between sanity and insanity. Insanity developes when the thought process is a bit illogical and jumps around from a to b to g and to z. Lots of steps are misses in this example. When somebody who is logically thinking experiences the paranormal. You've got me.

Please share your paranormal stories, no matter how trivial they may seem. I am going out on a limb here and want you to join me.

Peace.

Ideas for Burn Ward Game

Next week I am going to travel with my buddy Mike who is working on the Corporate Bull game for the Ibook. His game is about "brown nosing" your way up the corporate ladder. Trust me this game is hysterical. I've played it for over twenty years and it still hits the mark.

Mike assures me we could use the same electronic structure to create the Burn Ward Game! What I've been focused on has been fun little exercises that would bring this game more three dimensional! Needless to say for our entire trip it's going to be like the good old comedy days in which we throw ideas around and attempt to make each other laugh!

While living at the Burn Ward, we played a drinking game called "caps". two teams sat across from each other and tried to toss their beer caps into a half filled plastic cup of beer. If you made the shot, the person had to drink and refill. :-)

We played miners darts, because of all the power failures, we tied a flashlight onto a hat and threw darts this way!

Well, as you can see, these are just a few of the ideas percolating. I have hundreds and can see the game being hysterical. I wonder if the Keg carrying competition would work. I dropped the keg years ago, but know if the conditions were just right I could have done it perfectly!

Stay tuned, excitement is definitely in the air.

Of yeah - I'm still awaiting the proof copy of the book.

Things Are Starting to Look Good!

As I await the proof copy of the book, an interesting opportunity may be coming my way. My friend Mike - Bigredshoes.com - is creating a game for the new Ibook. Mac has created a large version of their Iphone, without the phone however and they need games. Mike had created "Corporate Bull" years ago. This is a game in which you "brown nose" your way up the corporate ladder. Well this is way past the developmental stage and is almost finalized for electronic media.

Having the structure of the game, we had kicked around the idea of creating a Burn Ward game. Mike informed me this could be a reality - soon!!!

So please blog in if you lived, visited, or heard stories about the haunted party house. This might be the first game that ever marketed a book!

All Systems Go!

The book was approved for printing! I love this format so much better, it was worth the one month delay. Anyway the next process is receiving the proof copy, which I will again review, along with most of my work mates. If my fiance' wants to look at it I will be shocked! She doesn't want to read a book about my "glorified escapades". She believes this book is sexual in nature and hasn't a clue about what it really is about - the paranormal. Though most of my friends would call me that anyway.

Every time Collette has taken an interest in reading the manuscript, I had been working on a chapter in which I was discussing a love interest. I guess if I was in her shoes I wouldn't want to know - no, that isn't true. I would be curious at first, get jealous - maybe - but like a guy want to read all the gory details.

Let's face it, us guys are cursed. If there is an incling of sex we are all over it.

Years ago I lived with my best friend Don. He has a few mentions in the book. This took place after the house blew up and we were doing our comedy routine together. Anyway we purchased cable televison after it first came to L.A. and suddenly we had one zillion channels to choose from. We watched everything with one exception - fishing. We thought we had hit rock bottom if we were watching something so boring. Well, a few months later we were flipping channels and happened on a show with women posing in bathing suits. After about fifteen minutes we realized the women hadn't been shown since the beginning montage and we had been watching fishing ever since!

So Collette, no this isn't about my sexual conquests and yes, during one montage you might have noticed something suggesting my having sex. And NO this is not a book about Fishing! The book is about growth, gaining sobriety, friendship, and finding God.

I will keep you all posted.

95% of the way there!

Hello Burn Ward Fan! Yes all one of you! I am grateful you are supporting this early effort and here is the latest!

I finished sending the printer the revised book cover! I also finished the final rewrite / revision and am as pleased as can be. Tonight I will convert the text into the proper format and wait for the printer's approval. I can't wait to see the proof!

In hindsight, this last tightening up process was incredible. Twenty pages were removed from the book. It was all fluff, direction, and didn't help the flow along one bit.

I remembered the husband's name of somebody who had died in that time period after not remembering it for years and years. Sid. Ha Ha! My brain still functions.

I was talking to Dr. Jenkins, a psychiatrist I work daily with about the book today. He was curious if I had omitted sensitive information about me. I admit there are a few circumstances I regret, one was using a pellet gun to shoot at rats that somehow got into the house. We used to have a makeshift shooting range late night, and wore minors lights on our heads. Yes I bagged a few of those babies and didn't really want to include that and something else too - but I will wait for my one fan to ask about it. I may or may not disclose the one shameful act I refuse to include.

There were plenty of other gems left out. Some people who frequented the place, a fishing expedition, a time we all went to a lake and hung out. That lake trip was my first inclination that I wasting my life away and wanted a change.

In the writing process some situations were combined, people too. It would be a thousand pages long and really not change the story much if I wrote only about the facts. In fact the first time I wrote out the book it was in this fashion and wanted to shoot myself because it was so damn boring to read.

I am excited and you, my only fan so far are going to really enjoy what is about to hit the masses!

Peace!